Friday, August 29, 2008

911 EMERGENCY NO

Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill lady appeared in a hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot.

The horrified nurse said, "Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?"

The lady said, "My phone doesn't have an eleven."

LAST REQUEST

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"

Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

WHAT'S IS A NAME!!!!

Three woman and their children were outside their psychiatrist's office. The wily old doctor was able to diagnose any complaint after asking the patient a few questions. The first woman went in and the doctor asked her a few questions and proclaimed: "Madam, all you ever think is food! That is why you named you daughter Candy!"

"Why," exclaimed the woman, "you're absolutely right, doctor!"

Then it was the second woman's turn. She got the same treatment and the doctor pronounced: "Madam, you're obsessed with the thought of money. That is why you named you daughter Penny!"

"You're right, doctor!" exclaimed the second woman and left.

The third woman, who had been listening to all this, got up indignantly and said: "What rubbish! I don't believe a single word you said. Obsessions indeed!"

Then waving to her little son to follow her, she said: "Let's go home now Dick."

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

AIR INDIA

Jarjitsing uncle was booked into an SIA flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an airplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place. When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!"

So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the uncle began spreading out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher, who was curious about the food. "Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked.

The uncle picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"

The the uncle took out several pieces of chapattis and started feasting. "And what is that dish?" asked the curious American.

"Wheat of India!" replied the uncle proudly.

Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the American.

"What is it?" asked the American.

"Sweet of India!" replied the old man.

After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud "Pooooooooot!" from the uncle.

"What was that?" asked the American in disgust.

The old man replied coolly, "That's Air India!"

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

STUPID QUESTIONS

Below are questions that people "actually asked" of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity.
(Source: Outside Magazine)

Grand Canyon National Park...
Was this man-made?
Do you light it up at night?
I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom -- where is it?
So where are the faces of the presidents?

Everglades National Park...
Are the alligators real?
Are the baby alligators for sale?
Where are all the rides?
What time does the two o'clock bus leave?

Denali National Park (Alaska)...
What time do you feed the bears?
Can you show me where the yeti lives?
How often do you mow the tundra?
How much does Mount McKinley weigh?

Mesa Verde National Park...
Did people build this, or did Indians?
Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
What did they worship in the kivas -- their own made-up religion?
Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?
Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?

Carlsbad Caverns National Park...
How much of the cave is underground?
So what's in the unexplored part of the cave?
Does it ever rain in here?
How many Ping-Pong balls would it take to fill this up?
So what is this -- just a hole in the ground?

Yosemite National Park...
Where are the cages for the animals?
What time do you turn on Yosemite Falls?
Can I get my picture taken with the carving of President Clinton?

Yellowstone National Park...
Does Old Faithful erupt at night?
How do you turn it on?
When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?
We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?

THE BLIND BEGGAR

I have a friend who just doesn't seem to run out of funny stories. Although this story is simply a humorous one, it is not intended to hurt anyone - but it is simply related to provide humor.
The setting is in one of the poor countries in the world. A passerby appended to walk around a corner of a street where a blind beggar was waiting - begging for alms. The passerby simply took a coin from his pocket and tried to toss the coin to the beggar's hand.
Unfortunately, the coin did not land on the beggar's hand and it simply landed on the cemented pavement and it rolled a certain distance. To the amazement of the donor, he saw the beggar crawl precisely following the coin. The beggar got the coin without difficulty locating the money.
So the passerby confronted the beggar, "Why are you begging when you are not really blind?"
Surprised that he had been caught, the beggar replied, "I'm sorry, I am just a proxy for the day."
"So where is the real beggar?", the passerby continued.
The proxy beggar simply replied, "This is his off day today, so he went to the movies."

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Buletin Utama

Berita Utama

Wartawan: Karam Singh Walia (KSW)

Dalam satu kajian yg dijalankan, didapati bahawa kaum wanitadianggap lebih kuat dari kaum laki-laki. Ini telah dibuktikan oleh seorg prof.

Prof: Bukti kaum wanita lebih gagah dr kaum laki-laki ialah wanita mampu mebawa dua buah gunung seorang tetapi laki-laki hanya mampu membawa dua bijik telor,itupon dgn bantuan seekor burung.

KSW: Bak kata pepatah, Jinak2 burung merpati,jinak lagi burung sendiri,Burung merpati dipegang lari, burung sendiri dipegang berdiri. Sekianberita dari KSW.

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